No te preocupes.

I feel like I hear this a lot. When I ask for details of plans that don't yet exist, when something is late, really whenever something seems to be going wrong, the answer is often no te preocupes. This No Worries attitude is the topic of many a classy country songs about losing your load, leaving your mind behind and forgetting to come back. On the contrary, however, there are so many things to worry about in Mexico. It's a terrifying place! Here's why:

1. Water. Speaking of classy country songs, that one about not drinking the water is not an exaggeration. You really shouldn't drink it here. REALLY.
2. Fruits and vegetables. Even if they're washed (see #1) they aren't actually clean. Because again, you can't drink the water.
3. Dogs. They're hungry and they're everywhere. And probably have at least 3 types of parasites plus mange. The good news is, they are not cute and therefore aren't very tempting to pet.
4. Cats. Like dogs, cats run about as they please, dragging their inevitable parasites with them. Even the clean cats are dirty.
5. Pork. Mexico loves pork. This is debatably the single most popular thing that was introduced by the Spaniards and there are at least 4 words in Spanish for the live animal alone, not including the plethora of food products that can be made from literally any pig part, head to tail.
6. Street food. It's so bad but it's soooo good. Stopping at a street vendor for esquites or a cup of nieve is always a risk assessment exercise. It usually works out alright, but when it doesn't go well it REALLY doesn't go well.
7. Milk. It's still a mystery how the milk can be stored on a shelf until it's opened. In general, quite a bit of food that seems to need refrigeration gets to sit out on the counter here. Alternate universe? Or maybe it just explains some of the fear behind #6.
8. Germs. See #1-7. And probably a good part of #8-23. They're all up in everything.
9. Buses. $5.50MX for a heaping serving of citywide adventure, whiplash, loud music and bus exhaust. What. a. deal.
10. Bus-taxis (colectivos) All the fun of the bus system condensed into a lovely maroon vehicle. And the intimate touches from your seat neighbors are free of charge.
11. Taxis. There's no practical driving test to get a Mexican license. Enough said.
12. Mototaxis. All the fun of the taxi system condensed into a doorless, 3-wheeled rickshaw.
13. Taxi-buses. Now you and your 17 friends can all enjoy a taxi ride together! To the beach perhaps?
14. Traveling alone via any of the above mentioned vehicles.
    
15. Crossing the street. All the rules that your mom and kindergarten teacher taught you about street safety probably revolve around the ideal of the pedestrian right-of-way. Pedestrian be warned, trucks, bicycles, buses, private vehicles and especially taxis will not hesitate to accelerate in your direction as soon as you step off the curb.
16. Too much fun, too little sleep. So goes traveling, no?
17. Dirt. Although the previous weeks' dusty coating has been washed off every surface by the recent rainy season, it's now collected in impressively muddy globs. Best leave your pretty heels at home.
18. Poverty. Whether it's in the form of an entire family asking for pesitos in the zócalo or a house built out of rusting scrap metal or statistics on malnourished toddlers, poverty is a terrifying thing to encounter because it makes us reconsider our cushy seat in life. And this is just a glimpse from which we can easily walk away; imagine if that was your everyday reality.
19. Mosquitoes. While Idahoan mosquitoes are pretty harmless and will, at worst, leave you with some itchy welts in awkward places, international mosquitoes can be another story. Dengue fever, malaria, West Nile Virus, the list goes on. Quién dice yo? Who wants some?
20. Rain. Plans just don't work out well when the streets become rivers and it's dark at 6:30. Also, see #16 & #15 & probably #1.
21. Insects. Oaxacans have a unique appreciate for the nutritional value of insects that many of us would find appalling. As nutritional as it may be, a handful of dried crickets somehow seems less appealing than a chicken nugget. Hot weather also has a way of producing extremely large (and thankfully, less edible) bugs.
22. Sweating. It doesn't matter if you're lolling in bed after lunch or walking home from work or snuggling with some strangers in a colectivo (see #9). This is Mexico. You will sweat.
23. Spicy food. It's always a good idea to sample salsa before slathering it all over your plate. Chances are, it's going to pica mucho. But to be fair, anyone would eventually add chile to everything if the alternative was beans and tortillas cada día.
    
24. Beans. Like insects, beans are a great source of non-meat protein. I don't know the biological back story to the "beans give you gas" wive's tale, but I'm skeptical. And they're in or on just about everything so as Dulce María says, it's inevitable. You're going to eat some beans (she just sings the inevitable bit, nothing about beans).
    
25. Unknown. I'm sure there are other things to be afraid of that just haven't been discovered yet. And this, perhaps, is the scariest thing of all. The Unknown. But as appealing as it may seem, hiding in a closet (after checking it for spiders and cockroaches) with a life's supply of bottled water and saltine crackers is only going to expand the Fears List. The only way to know the unknown is to, as my mom would say, put on your big girl panties and go introduce yourself.

Buenos días, scary, marvelous world. Me llamo Olivia. Mucho gusto.

And yes, the tú form is a must because we're going to be best buds. Some might even use the term "biffles."